life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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