Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm too high and old for this...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
