the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
