So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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