i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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