I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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