If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
