Dual....:-)
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
