he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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