I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Two words: nipple clamps
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