I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
