Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
