She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
