Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
