she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
