I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
