Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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