Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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