Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dear god my vagina.
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