this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sext me about skeletons
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
