420 ftw
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
