Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I smell stomach acid.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
