woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We have so much sex to catch up on
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
