Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
