I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize