i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The air taste purple.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
