and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Shame is for Republicans.
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