fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
