you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
