i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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