im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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