2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
