I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
