There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
