Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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