I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He has the fingertips of a God
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