so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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