do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The uberlube is also flammable
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
