i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
