the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
