I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
