i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
