I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
