Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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