Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize