that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
