All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
