No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
