So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize