i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
