i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
