AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
