So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
