He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
