Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
