He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
