My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
