I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
