are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
