I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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