she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We left the knife in your bed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
