a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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