I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the day after is always just damage control
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
