Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize